It is 12 am, and I have just walked into the house from a movie. Alone. My husband and all the children are sleeping cozily in the den with Little House on the Prairie playing on the tv. I feel like a good for nothing having been out without them.
All days have been the same here. Raging, name-calling, insults. No ability to complete a task or get dressed appropriately. Certainly no ability to prepare for or attend school or do any kind of homework. I am mentally exhausted. My head is aching, bur ing, pounding. I don't want to do anything. I can't find the energy to prepare a meal or clean up the mess that she has made hole in a rage--chairs turned over, toys and things all over the floor in our schoolroom, her room, the stairs, etc. broken items in every room. She hasn't had a bad spell since around noon, but I just want to lay in bed and watch movies. And sleep.
Tomorrow is Sunday. And church. And I know there will be fighting about clothes. I don't wnt to go. My oldest daughter keeps wanting to go somewhere, to get out of the house, but I don't want to have to think enough to have a conversation or be pleasant. I anted to get out and see a funny
Live, but I didn't want to have to drive myself there or back. Or get myself dressed. I am dreading g tomorrow. I don't want to get up. I don't want to fix breakfast or lunch or drive to chirch. Or feel like a schmuck for it wanting to do anything. My head hurts.
This is all worrisome because I have to be functional for this life to work.