Sunday, March 3, 2013

This Must Not Be Depression

It is 12 am, and I have just walked into the house from a movie.  Alone.  My husband and all the children are sleeping cozily in the den with Little House on the Prairie playing on the tv.  I feel like a good for nothing having been out without them.

All days have been the same here.  Raging, name-calling, insults.  No ability to complete a task or get dressed appropriately. Certainly no ability to prepare for or attend school or do any kind of homework.  I am mentally exhausted.  My head is aching, bur ing, pounding.  I don't want to do anything.  I can't find the energy to prepare a meal or clean up the mess that she has made hole in a rage--chairs turned over, toys and things all over the floor in our schoolroom, her room, the stairs, etc.  broken items in every room.  She hasn't had a bad spell since around noon, but I just want to lay in bed and watch movies.  And sleep.

Tomorrow is Sunday.  And church.  And I know there will be fighting about clothes.  I don't wnt to go.  My oldest daughter keeps wanting to go somewhere, to get out of the house, but I don't want to have to think enough to have a conversation or be pleasant.  I anted to get out and see a funny
Live, but I didn't want to have to drive myself there or back.  Or get myself dressed.  I am dreading g tomorrow.  I don't want to get up.  I don't want to fix breakfast or lunch or drive to chirch.  Or feel like a schmuck for  it wanting to do anything. My head hurts.

This is all worrisome because I have to be functional for this life to work.


  1. It's okay. You need an oxygen mask to breathe before you give it to your child. So, go to that movie without feeling guilty, so you can recharge and be there for her. Saw that you posted on Balanced Mind. My daughter has MDD, ADD and has undiagnosed OCD and GAD. I am going out tomorrow night even though it is a school night, but I need the break! We all do!

  2. Thanks for the encouragement! You are right; I need it. But I don't feel as guilty telling other people that they need it. Enjoy your night out!