Sunday, February 24, 2013

Diary of Symptoms

Sweet girl has been off of all psych meds for 3 weeks now.  Three weeks with no Lithium, Depakote, Abilify, Tegretol, Pexeva and the like?  I never thought we'd survive.

Lest you (or I upon reviewing this for our records) think that these past three weeks has been a bed of roses, let me assure you, it hasn't been.

Except for those first three days.  On those first three days, for whatever the reason, my girl was here with me.  She was the girl that I know.  Not easily angered or flustered.  Almost seeming to understand that she has caused so much grief and so much pain to her sister.  Able to have a conversation with me about that and how to fix it.  The behavior of an almost 11-year old girl rather than a three or four-year old one.  Best buddies with her brother.  She smiled.  Sweet girl has a glowing smile.

Everyone saw it.  It wasn't just my imagination.

But then at the end of the third day, we had a soy peppermint white chocolate mocha.  And over the next half hour she began to unravel.

By no means am I saying that I believe that the coffee is the cause of the unraveling, as I initially thought.  But it is something that makes me say, "Hmmmm....."

After the coffee, we shopped in the mall, and she happily looked at clothes that she might like to wear.  I was imagining her in those clothes instead of the ones with the hanging threads and the ripped seams and the stains that she wears every day.  It was a wonderful time.  But then she started to get irritated with the clothes.  And the people in the mall that were everywhere, and I couldn't get her home soon enough for my liking.

It was that fast.  Something took over.  And that something has waxed and waned ever since.

One of the key points in all of this was the Thursday of my oldest daughter's first "date".  The boy, who had already met with my husband and been coached about treating her right, came over for pizza and a movie and to hang out with our fam.

Sweet girl was fabulous.  A little less mature, but happy, rosy-cheeked, wonderful.  She did not pull any of the stunts that my oldest daughter thought she might. (I wish I had not felt awkward taking a pic--my oldest daughter sat next to the arm of the love seat, Prince Charming sat in the middle next to her, and sweet girl sat on the other side of him!  What a cozy bunch!)

After the movie, Daddy took the two of them out for a walk on the golf course, and I had sweet girl take her shower.  Everything was fine.  Until she turned off the shower.  Then she couldn't put the washcloth down because it had wrinkles, and she couldn't straighten it out.  Then she got out of the shower but couldn't leave the towel because it was wet, and she couldn't straighten it out.  By this time, she was screaming, yelling and out of control, and I was sure that they would all walk in at any moment.  She had to wipe everything down with a napkin, water bottle, pills, everything.  We finally gave her some Melatonin and Advil, and she calmed down enough to get ready for bed.  OCD had returned in a big, wild way.  That fast.

The house was all quiet by the time the troup returned home, and I was spent.  Prince Charming went home, and all had gone well for the "first date".

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